The Talking Trellis

I am on the precipice of change. I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones and it rattles my thoughts. Thoughts that, when given light and examination, reshape everything.

Is it the state of the world, or merely the inner workings of my inner minions. The minions that keep me churning and often cause my life long battle with insomnia to grab hold and squeeze me awake. Tick. Tock. The hours of the night face me, while I redo, rewrite, relive, revive aspects of my past- but mainly illusions of my future. Illusions I wish to be tangible, so I race to sleep to stock the energy to make them real. Though through uncertainty, sleep is elusive, and therefore restless and spinning I face the day. The days, the week. A week from now. If I can make it to just a week from now- I will have more answers. I am certain of this. Or is that certainty a mirage?

What I know is that attitude is at the helm. Attitude to be followed by tedious, monotonous, overwhelming, rewarding (at an undetermined time in the future) work. Work I can face, and do not ever regret, if I can focus on one aspect, one step, one inch at a time. For it is the tangents that impede my progress, all the arms and tentacles of everything that is linked to every thing that is linked to everything, everywhere.

I call upon the ripples to gently guide me to stay upon the true course. I call upon the winds of change to be kind. To me, to all of us.

There is a line in the Plain White T’s song Hey There Delilah- which sings, “The world will never ever be the same. And you’re to blame.” I love this lyric, for its simplicity about how the world can change in an instant and in it’s entendre of switching the negative to a positive.

More often than not we blame someone or something for something bad, yet there are positive things that arise from interactions and from opening our hearts and the culprits of such things pretty and sweet are most certainly to be blamed.

Growing up my family had several dogs, most of whom were named Brandy. (Those who have been hanging with me will know why, and those who may want to know- merely need to inquire and I will share once again.) I enjoyed these animals but felt much more akin to the dozens of cats we had over the years. Albeit, ‘dozens’ may be an exaggeration, yet it feels right in this moment. This actuality, of responding more to the cats of my youth, and my eventually growing up to be somewhat of a gypsy, lead me to believe that I was a cat person.

Cats are spirited and loners and free wheeling and mysterious and cantankerous and cuddly on their own terms. All things I could understand and relate to- they also didn’t need someone to be home on time or to follow a strict schedule. Again, a necessity for any sort of creature to be a part of my life through the majority of my adulthood. I was good with being a cat person. A cat person, who didn’t actually have cats- but a cat person all the same. I would proclaim it and most assuredly not ever shy away from it when the topic was broached.

And then I met Kirby.

I met Len before I met Kirby. Len was Kirby’s human and my partner. Len referred to Kirby as, “My little Bunny!” The description fit the fluff ball of a Pomeranian that was Kirby. Sweet little face with a punctuated nose and a charm that could sweep even the most staunch cat person off their feet. I had not ever met a Pomeranian before I met Kirby, and that was fine- for Kirby was the essence of all things good and entrancing about Pomeranians. At least as far as I could tell by falling in love with her and watching her work her wiles on others.

Kirby enjoyed the non fenced yard, yet never strayed from it unless given permission to run down the hill to friends who were expecting her. Everyone was expecting Kirby, for a visit from Kirby would make you smile no matter your mood. When Kirby wanted in, she wouldn’t bark, she would politely wait at the back door until you showed up to grant her access. Kirby’s favorite snack was cheese and she would steal a slice of pizza right off your plate. Kirby thought she was invisible when she hid under the chair; watching her try to be surreptitious only delighted us more.

There were times when my old ways came to focus and I had momentary patches of resentment. Not toward Kirby herself: for having to be there to let her out, from be awakened by Kirby’s best friend to go for a walk, for not being as footloose and fancy free as perhaps a cat would have allowed me to be. These times were fleeting and soon forgotten- mostly before they had even happened.

One look down at the fur ball on my thigh while writing, open concerns that she was safely on the bed, watching her play with Sammy No Rats (the cat), observing her take on the world from the vantage point of our ankles- was all it would ever take to melt any woes, or days gone by of being a self proclaimed cat person.

Kirby passed away. Long before her time and long before anyone in this world was ready for her to go. When I read the news, I acted before I could think. I jumped up from the couch, tears forming in my eyes and paced the room a few times. I ran into the room (where Alicia had been sleeping for hours) and blurted out that Kirby died. I sat on the bed and cried. I sat where, if this were the bed that Kirby knew, she would have been sleeping soundly with a teeny tiny snore. Alicia held me and calmed me down. She was no stranger to Kirby through the many stories I had shared and often asked if we needed to go get me a pomeraranian. I was numb for a few days, and even as I type this- there are tears in my eyes.

My heart exploded for that little half pint of a dog. Exploded in a way to not ever go back. I love dogs- all of them it seems. I still love cats, but am no longer a single species person. The witch in me will always make room for the cats of the world, only now dogs are welcome too. And fish- we mustn’t forget the fish. I love animals, as I always have, yet my snobbishness and preferences have all but disappeared for good. And yes, Kirby is to blame.

Now that I am openly an animal person, there are some that say I have quite the animal magnetism. I have noticed that animals come right up to me and/or follow me. Even at the zoo, I am captivated by the animals coming up to greet me or walk the length of their cage with me as I pass by. I talk to animals as I speak with humans and I believe they understand me, at least some of the time. I am not so sure if all this means I have a heightened animal magnetism, or if I have simply been touched by Kirby.

Thank you Len for sharing Kirby with me. And Kirby, you will live on in my heart forever and a day as well as in all the souls of the animals we are lucky enough to embrace.

Viva Le Kirby- the best little bunny ever!

Wow- 2009! Did anyone else see this coming? I am happy to be in 2009, yet the whirlwind that has brought me here is staggering and astonishing. The holidays of 2008 were grand but kicked my ass a bit. And when I say, ‘a bit’ I mean a lot. It almost seemed as if time stopped for two months and now, well- now I have to recap and immediately move forward. I can do that. I am used to doing just that.

So many things have me hopeful. Truly too many to list. There are goals I have and dreams that are bound to come true, feisty fights, lingering laughter, and love- why would I not want to look forward?

Here is a sampling:

More sustainable living
Expanding our family
Gaining more rights
Getting Healthier
Keeping in intimate touch
Anklevine’s continual evolution
No new shoes
Clearer focus
Definitive decisions

Some Explanations:

-One of my goals for last year was to learn how to steam bread, I have accomplished this goal and it has in turn made me so more confident and adventurous in the kitchen. The more I go back to the kitchen the more dreams and realizations toward a sustainable living percolate and come true. Will keep you posted as more surface and need attention.

-I have been curving my consumer ways. ( Go ahead- call me a frugal bitch, I can take it! ) Mainly because I enjoy subverting the patriarchy of commercialism and economically is such a sweet sweet way to practice this love. Also, we all of us, pretty much have more than we need- some way more, some a tad- but more nonetheless. I do not get to wear all of my shoes, so I have decided that when I feel the urge to buy a super cute pair to add to my collection ( Yes, collection. I buy classic styles- even when they are trendy- and they surpass time and can be worn on my whim, which- of course- is all that matters. Also, I even have two pairs of flip flops. But they are kitten heeled wedgies and have sweet sweet gingham patterns- hardly the ones I rail about. ) I am going to go shopping in my collection and take a pair out from the back and go dancing! This rule does not apply to anyone who might like to gift me a pair of shoes, I have not gone crazy. Nor does it apply to sport endurance shoes, should the need arise to replace them for safety and health reasons.

-Expanding our family- true, many of our friends are in our family, yet this year, we would like to have a baby. A healthy baby. Born of our love and generosity. One that grows under our charge into a well rounded person of their own. There you go universe, get to granting.

-The world is spinning and little by little it will start to throw out the unjust rulings and declarations to form a more unified, equal representational paradigm. I am speaking of laws and ordinances that make full citizens who pay all the same taxes and are upheld to the same laws, second class or exported. We have the spirit of the Smith sisters and their cows to back us up and we will move forward until we may simply live. Abby and Julia, I wish you could have lived to see the passing of the 19th Amendment. I know you are smiling down on us as we fight to ratify the ERA and for all of our GLBTQI sisters and brothers to be granted equality, at the very least in the law.

-Anklevine was born last year and this year there are many plans to spruce it up and keep it improving. A stagnant thing doesn’t get to see the world, and anklevine’s roots are spreading. Check back often to see the newness of the day. ( in all honesty, give me a few weeks, my to do list is growing by the second! Though I promise to be more forthcoming with blogging. ) The platform is going to come into its own, the store will be restocked and updated. All good things, good thingsindeed. Wait, what’s that, look down… is that a vine around your ankle? You have been kissed by anklevine.

Beautiful Horizons on the scene, snow or sun covered. Blessed Be- yes, you and me.

Anklevine now has a Garden!!!

And it is no longer a secret…

After many attempts to kill the computer and several expletives being shared out loud- The Garden of the Atrium (which also has a new front page!) is up and ready for all to take to stroll within, around, back again. Many trinkets and all sustainable, reused, recycled and re-imagined. Even drop down menus for some of the cart buttons- yes we are that crafty.

Hope you enjoy!

In other words- literally, I have been participating in NaNoWriMo this year. It is all A’s fault as she signed me up. Truthfully, I am enjoying it more than I ever thought I would. My word count is currently in 30,000 range and I wholeheartedly applaud the people who came up with this process. I was unsure I would have enough to flush out to 50,000 words- let alone in a month- but then soemthing clicked right after the halfway point. I hit 25,000 words and suddenly I understood why it is so important to just get the words down while not  looking back. Looking back equals editing and you cannot edit if you don’t have something to work on. After the halfway mark I could see the whole thing and started to think I had too much, or rather more than 50,000 words in the scope of my novel. Now, as I write, it is all the good stuff- the stuff you want to write first but you can’t because there has to be characters and why they are there. Endings are easy, at least for me, so learning and understanding this process to build to that ending has been worth every word!

I’ll keep you posted as to how it turns out and when I finish. Though if I am absent for the next 10 days- you can blame it on NaNoWriMo!

anklevine.com has been re-focused, re-vamped and re-stocked!!!

Click on over to see the new vision.

Anklevine is the home of:

this Blog, The Talking Trellis
–Which I promise to Update more frequently. I mean, come on, the world needs to know what I am thinking! This is clearly an imperative.

a Shoppe, The Atrium
–That now offers Forever Wrap! You will really want to check that out. New Crops within in The Atrium will be added, hopefully, on a weekly basis- so keep checking in.

and a new Platform entitled, SHE Writes Letters!
–It is an answer, a solution, a sounding board, a venting place, an all around good time.

When I first approached the concept of anklevine, I brought with me all of my past cyber experience, which may have made the original design a bit too muddled for my taste. I am much more pleased with the revamping (and not just because I like using that word!) and hope the focus is more clear in the new design.

I’ll be working away this month to “re-grow” the Crops for The Atrium. I have so many exciting ideas and plans, I cannot wait to see how they all turn out. Naturally, I will keep you all posted- whether it be an official post or through my kvetching here within other posts perhaps not one hundred percent on topic.

Thank you all for sticking by me- the best is yet to come!

I have been having the sense of drowning lately, yet there is nary adrop of water anywhere near. Life is all encompassing and though I know I have so very much to be grateful for- I still feel that the nuances and stresses are getting the better of me.

How do we rise above the mundacity, how do we get ahead? When is the time in life when all these concerns are behind us and we move forward safe, happy and secure? Or are these dreams, delusions?

Normally, I am an optimist. I am a cheerleader. I am the one to look at the bright side, to walk on the sunny side, to let someone in the lane in front of me because I still know I will get there even if it is 30 seconds later. I am the one who holds it all together. So why am I drowning? Has the time come at last for someone else to throw the life boat? If so- I welcome it whole heartedly.

I kissed you good bye in the earliest am, only to miss you as soon as you left.

I got my nails done, put together my flowers, tried to eat lunch, made it to the mansion without running into you. You sent me the sweetest text and I cried.

I fought my way through my tiny bridal room with its overflowing people- how many people can you fit in a dressing room anyway? I held it together until I put on my dress and turned around to see the faces on my Mom, Aunt and Mindy- they were glowing and crying and I knew I had officially become a bride. I didn’t even need the mirror to tell me I had finished my trousseau. I took a sip of the pelligrino my Dad had left for me and headed downstairs.

I saw you before I started to descend and pulled everyone back up the stairs to use the other staircase so you wouldn’t see me. I made it downstairs to see our wedding party in the hall at the ready with the separate parts of our Maypole- it was the first time I had seen some of them and the first time they had seen me! I started to cry, My Dad lead me into the washroom for some tissue and I heard our music. I gathered myself to walk down the aisle toward you.

I stepped into the doorway and saw you, standing there, waiting for me, and I couldn’t stop smiling and crying. Everyone we had invited was there, no one stood, they all were mesmerized by our love, by the excitement and the sweet calm in the air, and crying and smiling as well. Our ceremony and reception were beautiful! The vows, our closest friends surrounding us in a quote circle, our nieces and nephews taking it all very seriously, our toddling over the broom, the May Pole, the cake pull, the food, the petite fours, the music, the people, the weather, our celebration!

I meant it, I mean it, I live it- I DO!

I love you baby- My Lock, My Soul, My One,
Your Key

Dan the Man!

Hope it is a swell Day and joyous New Year!

Organizing never ends. I have made or taken tiny baby steps- yet it seems with every step I think of 300 more that need to be taken. I am working toward better time management to accomplish all these steps. Wish me luck.

My thyroid keeps on. I have been trying to improve my sleep patterns in the hopes that this, along with the medication, will help. Also- now that I am taking the medication properly- I am hoping to see improvement. My face is slimmer, that is about all I can report on that topic.

Does anyone know of an inexpensive place to live in California where A and I could both get jobs? A originally said no to CA, but we would be legal there and we are both so tired of fighting so hard. Another criteria is that we do not want to deal with winter so much so this is why CA is coming back into my brain as the only other state we would be recognized fully is MA and I’d rather stick with this winter in CO than trade for harsher winters in MA. Portland was number one on our list for quite some time, yet this morning it is bothering me that we would have the same rights but still not be able to call it what it is- MARRIAGE. Also, it is expensive and hard to find jobs. Any suggestions? Anyone?

On Sundays nothing gets done. This isn’t to say that we don’t have grand plans- we do, lots of them. Usually in the form of cleaning and organizing and going to the movies and going for a bike ride and talking Murphy for a walk. Lots of lovely plans, zero activity.

Sundays are the only day we have together and I think we save up all of our exhaustion for Sundays. Sleeping in, snuggling, not getting dressed, watching silly TV, playing on-line, going out only to satisfy cravings- even then it is rare. Still, Sundays are swell. We talk, we make plans that will eventually get done later in the week, we dream out loud, we reaffirm our bond and thereby making it stronger.

I love Sundays. My go get ‘em guilt sometimes clouds my love, yet it is momentary and passes little by little with each hug from my love.

How do you all spend Sundays?