Alas, poor Broccoli, I knew thee well…
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
Internet surfing for various random topics can sometimes be dangerous. Dangerous in that- look out you may discover something you need to know but don’t want to face- sort of way. The other day, I set out to back up a silly non consequential fact and ended up discovering a major set back in my well being: physically, emotionally and conscientiously.
Over a year ago, after much kicking and screaming, I was tested and diagnosed with hypothyroidism. The result made sense and answered a lot of questions the “collective we” had concerning my health and, interestingly enough, the state of my physical body. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has been with me and this blog from the beginning, as one of the reasons I started this blog was to discuss and navigate through this diagnosis with the feeling of a cyber support system cheering me on. Whether or not this was real or imagined, the cyber support system, made no difference to me- it was and is what I need to keep present and mindful about what is happening. However, somewhere along the way I stopped writing about this topic, and in truth, ceased writing as regularly as I envisioned I would be. Life happens, now is not the time to beat myself up about that.
After my diagnosis, my DO and I had a discussion. She advised me to cut out eggs and cheese and take fish oil pills. I shared with her that those two foods were not on my staple list whatsoever and asked if there was a vegetarian option for fish oil. She asked me what my diet consisted of and when I shared with her my staples, she gave me the same look everyone gives me when they learn I am a Vegetarian or see/hear what I eat. It is that look of, “you should really not look the way you look if that is what you eat- so clearly you must be lying.” My diet consists of mainly cruciferous vegetables, soy and roots. This has been so prominent in my life for over the twenty three years I have been a Vegetarian that my father once told me if I didn’t tell him what I wanted for my birthday he was just going to give me a pound of broccoli! A gift that suited me fine, as broccoli has always been my favorite food. My DO then amended her advise to state, “Yes- eat as much broccoli, cauliflower, leafy greens, spinach, tofu as you can and throw in a ton of flaxseed for good measure.” I ran with it. I was working on my trust issues with the medical industry and by all accounts this advise sounded just.
Turns out, after a night of frivolous internet surfing, I shouldn’t have been trusting. I should have followed my gut and kept researching and questioning, for that advise was not sound, medically or otherwise. If one is diagnosed with hypothyroidism, one needs to stay away from goitrogens- which are comprised of two major categories: Cruciferous Vegetables and Soy Related Products. Cue brain explosion and tears! In addition, omega threes are essential to introduce into the body, especially DHA and EPA- flax seed contains ALA which can sometimes be converted inside the body to DHA & EPA as long as one is incredibly healthy, not obese hypothyroidic red heads named Shawn Marie! Can you hear the bombastic Cosi Fan Tutte measure that is vibrating through my brain? Surely that is loud enough for everyone to hear, right?
I spent the rest of the evening in a shock with tears off and on as I found more and more data to back this up. Evidence states that one with hypothyroidism should avoid goitrogens, especially in raw form, eat foods high in iron and enjoy lean meats and seafood as their staples. Did I mention I have been a Vegetarian for almost 24 years? I spent the next day in denial and avoidance, losing myself in En Vogue videos on youtube. I spent yesterday coming back into the awareness while simultaneously doing tasks that took me away from thinking about it, and researching what to do about it all now. I received lots of advice after posting my dismay on facebook and from phone conversations with my parents: Mom, “That’s easy- Just add seafood.” Dad, “I wish it were easy to just add seafood.”
Therein lies the crux of the issue for me. I can get over accepting and following bad advice. I can even try to stop punishing myself for doing so. I can regroup and move forward. There are lots of ways I can approach this and even ways that do not mean I have to stop being a Vegetarian. I know this, and yet I still feel as if I made a wrong turn in the guise of following my conscience with, what was to be believed, healthy side effects. This has me shaken to the core. I am a Vegetarian because I believe in its merit and rippling good efforts, actions and outcomes. I have not ever been a preachy one, I have always known what works for one may not work for another, yet I have been a tried and true Vegetarian all the same. I have the knowledge to back up what is good and right and just about being a Vegetarian, for the individual and the world at large. I simply never thought it wasn’t good for me. And this has me heartbroken.
There is still processing to be done. I can see a better health coming my way, I can see this as an answer to so many doubts and concerns, I truly can. Yet, right now, I am still sad and need to allow that time to ruminate and churn and eventually become something less sad, something a little more optimistic. I will get there, and I will keep you posted, for now though- I am introspective about a huge part of myself that perhaps was never meant to be. And nothing about it is easy.